Learning to take responsibility for your mistakes isn’t always easy, but it’s an essential skill for adulthood. Parents should instill the importance of their children owning up to their mistakes while they are young. According to experts, here are five ways to help children own up to their mistakes so they can grow into well-adjusted adults.
Back off a little
“Virtually every waking moment, kids have someone telling them what to do. And that’s one of the things that makes them blamers,” says San Francisco–based sociologist Christine Carter, PhD, author of “Raising Happiness,” in an interview with Parents.com. “Because every thought is scripted for them, children don’t realize they control their behavior.”
Take a step back and allow children to drive the bus. Give them space to start thinking for themselves.
Narrate your own decisions
Even when you are making small decisions, let your children in on your thought process. Explain why you make certain choices and allow them to be part of that process.
“Explaining why you make them lets your child absorb your thought process,” says Betsy Brown Braun, a child development and behavior specialist in Pacific Palisades, California, and author of “You’re Not the Boss of Me.”
This will help them to model a good decision-making process.
Stop saving the day
No one wants their children to fail. Still, mistakes are part of how children learn. Your children will not know how to navigate success if you are constantly stepping in to fix everything.
“If you correct their mistakes and solve their problems, kids never learn how to do it themselves,” says Dr. Carter. They need to “blow it” every once in a while and suffer the consequences. It lets them see that goof-ups aren’t the end of the world and that they can figure out how to fix them.
Be a role model
Children are always watching what their parents do. Be a role model for owning your own mistakes. If they see you doing it, they will learn by watching and grow up modeling the behavior.
Be a coach
When you see that your children are taking responsibility for their mistakes, acknowledge it and encourage them. Let them know they are on the right path as they continue to grow.
“Once kids begin to recognize the basics of responsibility, you can begin to call out their finger-pointing,” says John G. Miller, co-author of Raising Accountable Kids. He continues with some simple advice for parents, “Give each child a second, third, and even fourth chance, not to blame someone else.”
