Parents, take a breath. Messing up isn’t just likely; psychologists say it can actually help your kids thrive.
That’s the message developmental psychologist Aliza Pressman shared on The Mel Robbins Podcast this summer. According to Pressman, children gain from seeing their parents stumble because it shows them that mistakes aren’t failures but chances to grow. “If our kids didn’t see [our mistakes], they would not have much hope that they get to make mistakes and grow and still be loved and be worthy,” she explained.
Instead of aiming for perfection, Pressman encourages parents to embrace learning. “We are born as parents when our children are born,” she said. “Of course we’re messing up all of the time, because we’re babies. We’re baby parents. It’s a necessary part of this gig to keep making mistakes.”
What really matters, experts agree, is how parents respond after those slip-ups. Pressman calls this process “repair,” and it often boils down to something as simple as a genuine apology. Child psychologist Tovah Klein told CNBC Make It previously that it’s best to be “honest and direct” when apologizing to kids. Simple phrases like “I’m sorry I yelled” or “I shouldn’t have done that” can show children that relationships can heal after conflict.
Klein added that kids may see an outburst as something deeper and lasting than the parent intended. Owning your mistakes helps clarify that the behavior was temporary, not a reflection of the parent-child bond.
Pressman isn’t the only one stressing the importance of setting an example. Theo Wolf, an educator and coach at Spike Lab, reminds parents that kids mirror what they see. “Want your kids to not be addicted to their screens? Don’t be on your phone all the time in front of them. Want them to be active? Let them see you exercise,” Wolf wrote earlier this year.
Children pick up far more than we realize from our values and resilience to the daily ways we behave when we think they’re not watching. “Be mindful of the examples you set for them,” Wolf advised. “If you want them to grow up to be responsible, purposeful, hard-working, and above all, happy, embody those traits yourself.”
So while every parent wishes they could get it right all the time, the truth is, you don’t have to. Mistakes not only make you human, but they also provide your kids a guide for how to face challenges, recover, and move forward. As Pressman put it, those imperfections are “a necessary part of this gig.”
