Chrissy Teigen is ready to talk about her miscarriage. The model shared an essay about the heartbreaking experience with Medium readers on Tuesday (Oct. 27).

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On weekends we freak out! Before I’m able to start feeling the kicks, the anxiety gets the best of me and any little bits of spotting or pain freak me ouuuuuut. one day I swear I’ll buy one of these machines but by then I’ll be all done with having monsters! But as my little Luna embarks on her very first sleepover tonight, another little one makes some big growth moves of their own. all is well. @Drthaisaliabadi @drsteverad 💕💕

A post shared by chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) on Sep 7, 2020 at 1:18pm PDT

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“I had no idea when I would be ready to write this,” Chrissy told her readers. “Part of me thought it would be early on when I was still really feeling the pain of what happened,” the celebrity shared. “I thought I would sit in the corner of my bedroom with the lights dimmed, just rolling off my thoughts. I’d have a glass of red wine, cozy up with a blanket, and finally, get the chance to address ‘what happened.’”

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I didn’t know how to come back to real life so I wrote this piece for Medium with hopes that I can somehow move on but as soon as I posted it, tears flew out because it felt so….final. I don’t want to ever not remember jack. . . Thank you to everyone who has been so kind. Thank you to the incredible doctors who tried so hard to make our third life a reality. Thank you to my friends and family and our entire household for taking care of me through all the adult diaper changes, bed rest and random hugs. Thank you John for being my best friend and love of my life. A lot of people think of the woman in times like this but I will never forget that john also suffered through these past months, while doing everything he could to take care of me. I am surrounded, in a human therapy blanket of love. I am grateful and healing and feel so incredibly lucky to witness such love.

A post shared by chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) on Oct 27, 2020 at 2:01pm PDT

Chrissy Teigen and John Legend lost their unborn son, Jack Stephens, last month. The devastation came after Chrissy went to the hospital due to irregular spotting. The model received several blood transfusions in efforts to save her son. The efforts, however, were ultimately not enough.

Driving home from the hospital with no baby. How can this be real.

— chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) October 1, 2020

“After a couple [of] nights at the hospital, my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming — it was time to say goodbye,” Chrissy wrote online. “[Jack] just wouldn’t survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either,” she added.

“I cried a little at first, then went into full-blown convulsions of snot and tears, my breath not able to catch up with my own incredibly deep sadness. Even as I write this now, I can feel the pain all over again. Oxygen was placed over my nose and mouth, and that was the first picture you saw. Utter and complete sadness.”

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We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we’ve never felt before. We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn’t enough. . . We never decide on our babies’ names until the last possible moment after they’re born, just before we leave the hospital.  But we, for some reason, had started to call this little guy in my belly Jack.  So he will always be Jack to us.  Jack worked so hard to be a part of our little family, and he will be, forever. . . To our Jack – I’m so sorry that the first few moments of your life were met with so many complications, that we couldn’t give you the home you needed to survive.  We will always love you. . . Thank you to everyone who has been sending us positive energy, thoughts and prayers.  We feel all of your love and truly appreciate you. . . We are so grateful for the life we have, for our wonderful babies Luna and Miles, for all the amazing things we’ve been able to experience.  But everyday can’t be full of sunshine.  On this darkest of days, we will grieve, we will cry our eyes out. But we will hug and love each other harder and get through it.

A post shared by chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) on Sep 30, 2020 at 8:58pm PDT

Chrissy Teigen decided to take and share pictures of her moments after the miscarriage. “I explained to a very hesitant John that I needed them and that I did NOT want to have to ever ask,” Teigen wrote in her essay. “He hated it,” the celebrity mom admitted. “I could tell. It didn’t make sense to him at the time.”

“But I knew I needed to know of this moment forever, the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after Luna and Miles. And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story.”

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This is for Chrissy. I love and cherish you and our family so much. We’ve experienced the highest highs and lowest lows together. Watching you carry our children has been so moving and humbling. I’m in awe of the strength you’ve shown through the most challenging moments. What an awesome gift it is to be able to bring life into the world. We’ve experienced the miracle, the power and joy of this gift, and now we’ve deeply felt its inherent fragility. I wrote this song because I have faith that as long as we walk this earth, we will hold each other’s hands through every tear, through every up and down, through every test. We promised each other this on our wedding day seven years ago, and every challenge we’ve faced has made that promise more powerful, more resilient. Our love will remain. We will never break. Thank you to everyone who has been sending us prayers and well wishes, flowers, cards, words of comfort and empathy. We feel and appreciate your love and support more than you know. More than anything, we’ve heard so many stories about how so many other families have experienced this pain, often suffering in silence. It’s a club no one wants to be a part of, but it’s comforting to know we’re not alone. I’m sure Chrissy will have much more to say about this when she’s ready. But just know we’re grateful and we’re sending love to all of you and your families.

A post shared by John Legend (@johnlegend) on Oct 15, 2020 at 6:45pm PDT

Stay tuned for more John Legend and Chrissy Teigen family news!

Photo: Chrissy Teigen/Instagram