Resilience is a skill that people develop over time. The art of moving through and growing from difficult times is sometimes hard for adults to accomplish and may seem like it is out of the question for children. However, parents who wish to instill resilience in their children while they are young shouldn’t fret. According to the experts, it can be done and here is how!
“We try to cover the sky with a canopy to protect our kids from the hail and snow and rain and wind, instead of teaching them how to dress for the weather or when it’s okay to go outside,” Aliza Pressman, developmental psychologist and co-founder of the Mount Sinai Parenting Center said in an interview with CNBC.
In her new book “The 5 Principles of Parenting: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans,” Pressman arms, parents with the “Five R’s” of raising resilient kids to add to their parenting toolboxes.
Relationships
Having a strong relationship with an adult caregiver can give children the strength to face adversity. By building a strong relationship with an adult in their village, a child will have the strength and help to move through adverse moments that we all face. Keep in mind, the adults in the village need to nourish their relationships with each other as well! Children will see this and it will give them an extra sense of community that they can depend upon.
Reflect
For many parents, finding time to reflect and meditate is nowhere on the to-do list. But, it should be. Parents should make it a practice to reflect on certain issues and decisions prior to making them. This will help to avoid “knee-jerk” reactions, and possible stressors in certain situations. Teaching children to reflect and meditate just gives everyone a “pause,” indirectly teaching children how to take a moment to “self-regulate”.
“We used to do this thing with our younger kids where everybody has a Skittle and you put it in your mouth and you just have silence as you’re eating the Skittle,” she says. “It just makes you more regulated because you’ve had that moment of pause. Everything does not have to be about deep things.”
Regulate
According to Pressman, “children borrow our nervous system”. If you are practicing self-regulation, they they will too, as we all know that children tend to parrot the examples and behaviors that they are exposed to.
In the article, a key note is highlighted. Parents should remember that, “regulation is a big factor in resilience because it teaches kids to respond to discomfort in a calm way, no matter how big their feelings are.”
Rules. Rules. Rules!
Children need rules that are enforced in order to feel “safe”. Pressman breaks down rules into two categories: boundaries and limits.
“If we have clear, consistent rules, and they make sense, our kids know what is expected of them and they don’t have to be on high alert for input all the time.”
Repair
No matter how much your nourish a relationship, sometimes they do need repairing after a mishap occurs. This could unquestionably be a teachable moment for the child. Repairing a relationship demonstrates the steps needed to overcome this particular difficult life moment.
Pressman wants parents to know that the “Five R’s” don’t have to be done in chronological order. She also wants parents to know that the goal of the “Five R’s” isn’t to make children happy.
The goal of the “Five R’s” is to teach children how to successfully navigate life while arming them with the skills that they need to resiliently bounce back when life hands them lemons so that they can make a tasty lemonade.
