According to the experts, strong-willed children are often described as being: challenging, stubborn, argumentative, and/or difficult. Being a parent of a strong-willed child can, more often than not, leave you feeling frustrated and ready to throw in the towel. Well, per the experts from Parents.com, here are a few tips to help you raise your strong-willed child.
Before we get to the tips, let’s first define exactly what a strong-willed child is. Per Erin O’Connor, EdD, director of New York University’s early childhood education program, although children are unique, many strong-willed ones share similar characteristics that include:
- Determination and persistence
- Strong opinions
- Assertiveness
- Willingness to challenge authority
- Strong sense of justice
- Emotionally intense or more sensitive emotionally
“A strong-willed child can have some of these characteristics and not all of them,” Dr. O’Connor said in an interview with Parents.com. “But the determination, challenge to authority, and strong opinions tend to characterize most, if not all, children who are strong-willed.”
Now that we have properly characterized exactly what a strong-willed child is, let’s fast-forward to some helpful tips for parents.
1. Choose your battles
If you have a strong-willed child, it may seem like many encounters between you are primed and poised for battle. Not all interactions have to result in conflicts. Choose your battles. You don’t have to always engage.
“If it doesn’t really matter, then save your time—and your child’s patience—for what really does,” Jillian Amodio, a licensed social worker from Maryland-based Waypoint Wellness Center, told Parents.com. “Does the behavior need to change or is it just annoying? I suggest focusing on one problematic behavior at a time. If a problem is a safety or quality of life concern, put your focus there. If it’s a personal preference, consider being flexible with your expectations.”
2. Be crystal clear about your expectations
Strong-willed children are extremely intelligent beings and you have to treat them as such. When it comes to your expectations, be crystal clear about what you are asking from them. Being vague, leads to frustration for everyone involved.
As stated by Amodio, “Routine and structure will add a sense of control for them, as they know what to expect.”
3. Give your child some autonomy
Strong-willed children need to have a voice. Empower them by letting them have one.
“While this can make the parent feel like they’re losing control and we don’t want that to happen, what we do want is the child to have some ability to make decisions,” said Alana Carvalho, LMHC, and author of Raising Empowered Children. “Children still want to know the parent has the power, but they also want to feel empowered themselves.”
4. Explain your reasoning
Parents don’t tend to like to explain their reasoning behind certain directives. “Because I said so,” is not going to work with a strong-willed child. A strong-willed child needs to know the why.
“Parents don’t have to justify their requests, but strong-willed kids want to understand our thought process,” said Carvalho to Parents.com.
5. Use rewards but use them the right way
Rewards don’t always have to be tangible things. For strong-willed children, positive praise goes a long way.
“Positive praise goes a long way for strong-willed kids. All too often kids hear what they are doing wrong and it makes a huge difference when they hear what they are doing right,” said Amodio. “One of the most effective ways to change or influence behavior is through positive praise. Praise for the little things and the big things.”
Remember, there are benefits to being a strong-willed child. “Strong-willed children are intelligent, self-assured, confident, inquisitive, curious, and more,” said Amodio. “They question authority, they have strong opinions, and they often have big personalities.”
Strong-willed children turn into strong-willed adults where these same characteristics are celebrated assets. It may be a bit of a challenge getting your strong-willed child to adulthood, but adding these tips to your toolbox will definitely help!
